How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is the high leading the old right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
