How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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