I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
