It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
