Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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