dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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