After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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