im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
