I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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