Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
