Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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