how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize