why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
