Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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