Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
