One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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