he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
