I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
