if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
