Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
