I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
