So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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