We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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