What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
