He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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