My Higher Power is John Stamos
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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