While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
