I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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