I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
