just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
