He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
