btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
