so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
