just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
