she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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