I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
