I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
