someone get that fucking seahorse.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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