could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
