He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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