Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
