Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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