I'm eating all of the evidence.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
