My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
