you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
