a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
