; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
