i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
