I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
