you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
