You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
