What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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