It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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