You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
