If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The air taste purple.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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