What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
