After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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