oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
