So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
