Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
