Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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