3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
