Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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