Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
