If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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