Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
