I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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